So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
