i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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