somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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