you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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