we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
