And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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