He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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