No stitches, just platelets and will power
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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