I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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