just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
