I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
