i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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