I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
