the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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