Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
