"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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