Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
