do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
