Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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