I just pynch a tree in the face
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
