i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
