I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
