Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
