and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
