something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
