just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
