he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
