8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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