Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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