My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
