No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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