I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
