We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
