Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
