anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
