so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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