**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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