Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
