I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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