You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
