I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
