Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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