his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
