He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
