i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
