did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
