why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
