Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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