Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
