i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
