i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
