I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
