I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
