We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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