Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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