Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
